I have this habit of just rambling on and on and thinking the things I wrote are good, and then afterwards, I read them, and I realise that I made no sense whatsoever. I suppose I shouldn't care that it made no sense, you know.. They're my words and all.. But I've always been really concerned with the appearance of things. Mostly myself. I'm starting to think that my decision to never have children, was a smart one.. I'm too self-absorbed to have kids. I'm not motherly. I don't have that built in motherly instinct. It's sort of tragic, but it's probably fate.
I won't make the same mistake my mother made. She should not have had children. I've turned out horribly, but hopefully my siblings will be okay. They're too young to start acting like her. It's good that she doesn't see them, I believe. I only wish that I could see them. They're my baby brother and sister, you know? I'm attached to them. They were the only thing keeping me alive, when I was younger, and now they're gone. I'm overdramatising, again, but fuck it. I don't care how small of an issue this seems to be, to others.. It's a huge thing, to me.
I'm rambling, and making no sense. Fuck it.
I'm a selfish cunt. That's all I wanted to say. I get off track, quite easily.