I've just realized, I speak of offing myself, quite frequently, but I've never really considered what I'd feel like if one of my friends actually went through with it, as well. I suppose it depends on the friend, but for the most part, a large part of those whom I speak to are quite important to me. Some more than others. Some of them seem like happy normal people, completely the opposite of me, and then they inform me of their need to put a bullet in their head, and it shakes me up. Scares the hell out of me, to be exact. I don't deal well with death, at all. Knocks me on my ass for months at a time. Puts me into a deep depression, all that. And I suppose that's normal, but it doesn't even have to be the death of anyone I knew that well, just, anyone who played even the smallest part in my life, and it'll pretty much kill me, for months on end.
I'm probably just too sensitive for my own good. Too sensitive to survive in such a cold, cruel world. But perhaps not. I suppose I'll find out, all in good time. I'll just go along with the trends, pretend to be the normal ditzy teenage girl, and live. Not happily, but alas, living.
I'm beginning to lose my mind already, and I don't believe that the self-caused deaths of any of my close friends would help much. So I hope, for my sake, and his own, this wasn't too serious.